This is Me

MIGRAINES

2008-12-02T12:34:00.003+08:00

Wow I just realised it's been more than 1 yr since my last post... The reason for this post is I am at work and can't concentrate.. This post is just to educate about Migraines..

Am currently at work and I am suffering from an excruciating migraine.. If only there were a cure for migraines... However i have tried so many different drugs to stabilise my migraines, but yet to find one which helps!! Immigran use to do wonders for me then all of a sudden my body got immune to it.. My friend has recommended Excedrin... I have yet to get it, but will try and obtain some and if it works keep a whole draw full.. :) (end up as a druggie)

Migraine is a neurological syndrome characterized by altered bodily experiences, painful headaches, and nausea. It is a common condition which affects women more frequently than men.

The typical migraine headache is one-sided and pulsating, lasting 4 to 72 hours. Accompanying complaints are nausea and vomiting, and a heightened sensitivity to bright lights (photophobia) and noise (hyperacusis). Approximately one third of people who experience migraines get a preceding aura, in which a patient may sense a strange light or unpleasant smell.

Although the exact cause of migraine remains unknown, the most widespread theory is that it is a disorder of the serotonergic control system.

For those whom are unsure what Migraines are, the following criteria will help;

- On one side of the head
- Pulsating or throbbing
- Aggravated by routine physical activity, such as climbing stairs
- Inhibits or prohibits usual activity
- Accompanied by nausea or vomiting
- Accompanied by sensitivity to light and sound

Characteristics
Serotonin is a chemical in your brain that can constrict blood vessels and stimulate pain receptors. Levels of serotonin are unusually high just before a migraine and unusually low during the migraine attack.

Attacks can occur any time, day or night, though they often occur first thing in the morning. Routine activity, exercise or slight head movement makes the pain worse. Some patients report that the simple act of trying to lift their heads off the pillow results in excruciating pain. Symptoms may appear up to several hours before the headache, or the pain may strike without any warning. Some people feel irritable during migraine attacks and seek solitude, often in a darkened room. Following an attack, many people feel washed out and listless.

Trigger

A migraine trigger is any factor that, on exposure or withdrawal, leads to the development of an acute migraine headache. Triggers may be categorized as behavioral, environmental, infectious, dietary, chemical, or hormonal. In the medical literature, these factors are known as 'precipitants.'

Migraine attacks may be triggered by:
Allergic reactions
Bright lights, loud noises, and certain odors or perfumes
Physical or emotional stress
Changes in sleep patterns
Smoking or exposure to smoke
Skipping meals
Alcohol
Menstrual cycle fluctuations, birth control pills, hormone fluctuations during the menopause transition
Tension headaches
Foods containing tyramine (red wine, aged cheese, smoked fish, chicken livers, figs, and some beans), monosodium glutamate (MSG) or nitrates (like bacon, hot dogs, and salami)
Other foods such as chocolate, nuts, peanut butter, avocado, banana, citrus, onions, dairy products, and fermented or pickled foods.

I hope the info was beneficial.. I am still bored and still have my migraine... SIGH!!!

your cheating heart!!

2007-08-23T11:55:00.001+08:00

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I know a fair few of men who cheat on their wives or girlfriends.. They all have their reasons for why they cheat.. I was surfing and came to a few sites with reasons why men do it...

Top 10: Reasons Why Men Cheat

Number 10

Your lady doesn't put out Every man has heard that the best way to get a woman to stop having sex with him is by marrying her. Apparently, long-term relationships seem to suck the sex drive out of many women, leaving men gasping for fulfillment. With the need for more sex, some men will start "working late" more often.Or it could just be that the sex has become boring. She doesn't want to try new things in bed, or won't perform fellatio. Some men may cheat because they don't want their girlfriends or wives to perform certain sex acts that would ruin their "good girl" image, so they get a mistress to take care of it. Like Robert de Niro said in Analyze This , "That's the mouth she kisses my kids good night with!"In light of this, I call on lawmakers around the world to create an International BJ Day, where men and women get the day off from work and get all the oral satisfaction they need from their partners. I'll bet that this alone would cut infidelity by at least 75%.

Number 9

She cheated on youSo you found out your lady was being unfaithful, and the only way you can relieve your anger is by doing the same. For many men, this is the only way to get back at their cheating girlfriends and even the score. Some men might even cheat to get back at all the cheating women they've had the misfortune of dating throughout their lives; now that's efficiency.

Number 8

It's challenging and excitingIf you consider the women you sleep with "sexual trophies," chances are you have already cheated at least once in your life. Some men simply cannot leave behind the thrill of the hunt, the chase and the conquest. For other men, the excitement is in the variety, like changing ice cream flavors for one day after years of sticking to just one.

Number 7

You can get away with it"What eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel," goes the old adage, and it still holds true, as long as there are no cameras around. The knowledge that no one will find out and no one will get hurt is reason enough for some men to grab a different helping. But be careful; as men get craftier with avoiding detection, women get more sophisticated with detecting, not to mention boosting their network of spies.

Number 6

It boosts your egoNothing lifts the old self-esteem like discovering that other women still desire you sexually. When in long-term relationships, men may begin to question their sexual marketability, which will lead some of them to sow their clandestine wild oats. Once a man knows he can get back in the game, he'll return to his mate; or not.What's a guy to do when his girlfriend's-a-naggin' and opportunity comes-a-knockin'?

Number 5

The opportunity was thereIt's an uncontested fact that most men can't say "no" to sex. Although guys aren't constantly bombarded with sexual offers, sometimes an irresistible prospect presents itself. Maybe it's a frisky ex-girlfriend, maybe it's a horny hottie on the dance floor. A guy may see it as once-in-a-lifetime occasion that might never be available again. Carpe diem , as they say.

Number 4

Your girlfriend is a nagMost men have experienced at least one woman who thrives on making him feel like crap. Constant nagging, fighting and squabbling in the right ratios is the best recipe for a headache. Cheating with another woman is a common escape from this domestic hell, and works better than aspirin.

Number 3

Women let usTruth be told, women are quick to forgive men for their unfaithful behavior. Maybe it's their fear of being alone, or that women are simply the more merciful ones of the human species. Some women might even blame themselves for their men's infidelities, and take steps to improve their relationships. The fact that many women let their men get away with murder might compel them to double deal repeatedly. Just ask Bill Clinton.

Number 2

She doesn't turn you on anymoreLong-term relationships have the annoying habit of making people lazy. No longer concerned with staying fit and attractive, a committed woman might lose the allure she once had. Her man may simply not find her beautiful anymore, and making love to her is not as stirring as it once was. This is why most mistresses are gorgeous, young women.

Number 1

You don't love her anymore Alas, after a long time together, you have lost the feelings you once had for her. But the relationship has remained too much a part of you. Separating seems so painful, so radical that it's almost inconceivable. So instead of separating, you go elsewhere to get your physical gratification. Most times this does not help matters, but only prolongs the inevitable breakup.

your cheating heart

In the end, cheating is no joking matter. If you are cheating on your girlfriend or wife, it might be that you are unhappy in the relationship, or that you have issues that you should address. Look at the big picture and see your unfaithfulness as a symptom of a bigger problem.Cheating might feel good as a quick escape from your problems, but it's only an anesthetic -- not a long-term solution.

2007-07-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

GOD rest your soul DAD..

Its been two years now and i still feel like you are here around me.. I guess you will always be around.. i really miss you dad..

I will drink for you tonight and light a candle for you..You are always on my mind Dad..

I love you..

MY near death experience..

2007-06-22T15:55:00.000+08:00

Wednesday, 20th June 2007 (estimated time 5.00pm)

The day before I was suppose to go for the work meeting I had a bad feeling.. I didn't want to go but I felt obligated. So I didn't say much and thought I will get it over and done with. I always want to be the best at what I do and true enough I always want to be accepted by others.

So what the hell went back packed my stuff and sleep early..

Wednesday.. Woke up extremely early and proceeded to work.. My boss texted me asking how I was going to go to Kemaman, Kuala Terengganu. I texted back saying I would catch a ride with one of the guys so that I can be there first to prepare everything before they arrive..

Left the office abt quarter to 3pm.. With all the necessary stuff. Driving along having a chat, talking about work, life and everything else... After about 2hours the guy driving realised the tyre of the car was wobbling..So I asked him to stop at the nearest petrol station so we can check and I can pee..

All over a sudden BANG!! The back right tyre exploded and the car gave way and we both skidded and glided all over the highway..

At that split second all I could think of was I am going to die and I didn’t get a chance to tell my family I was sorry for any pain I have caused them and that I love them very much, my beloved bf and of cause my very special frens..

Once the car came to a halt I realised god has granted me another chance in life and I will try very hard to be the best I can and always remember to follow my gut instincts. I will always remember to tell those around me I love them dearly.. As I might not get another chance.

I think I am still in shock and that I am blessed to be here able to write about it. All I got was a bump on the head and a few bruises on my leg.. Thank God!

1. Mum I Love you and I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you.
2. to my sisters and family in Penang, I love you and thank you for being my family.
3. to my brothers, you guys are cool..Love you guys..
4. Fikhri baby. I love you and I am glad I am able to spend more time with you.
5. Nazzy Naz.. I love you and thanks for being you and giving me youth..
6. To my other beloved frens you know who you are.. You guys rock and I love you all very very much.. Stay the way you are and never change..

Live life as it’s your last and always remember to tell the person you love how you feel as you might not get another chance..

I did!!

Love Raelene..

Dad

2007-05-23T11:51:00.000+08:00

Hi Dad...

How are you? What have you been up too? I guess you can see how I am..

I have been going through so much lately.. Can u see me? I try to get by and not show others how I actually feel but I am actually sad and at times I am hurt.. I miss you but I don’t know how to express how I feel. I guess this is one way of informing you..

So tell me, what have you been up too up there or have you joined the party in hell?? haha You remember what you use to say Dad? Why go to heaven when the party is in hell!!! I will never forget that.. guess what dad I have a 1st class ticket to hell as well... hahaha

Everyone is doing well here.. Mandy (Garry's girl) is in Singapore and she is visiting me this Thursday and then she is off to Thailand.. I haven't met Dennis in awhile his last trip we didn’t meet at all.. You know right he got married? I am sure you do, silly question.

Mum, is still the same, we have our ups and down's.. More down's then up I reckon.. Oh well it makes me stronger in a way..

I haven't call Elaine, I can’t seem to bring myself to call her.. I know I should but I feel bad..

The boy's miss you very much dad.. and you little girl misses you too.. Have you meet Steven there? I will light a candle for you dad.. I will also drink a scotch for u as well.. ha-ha

If I could only call you now there is so much I want to tell you.. It seems silly writing it up on here you.. I have to let it out..it’s been hard with you no here any more.

Dad, Eric Ba passed away 7mths ago.. he was a good man.. I miss him as well.. I am glad I got to see him before his last breath..

Well I am not sure what else to say but I love you and I miss you so much.. Take care dad..

Curiousity Killed Jerry

2007-05-17T09:47:00.000+08:00

It had only been two days.. But it was the two best days. I never knew he could of made me so happy!

Who would have thought i could love so much? Never in my wildest days i thought i would cry so much over my kitten.. Reason is coz i am scared of cats..strange i know..

Loving a person is so different from loving a pet.. My Jerry had my unconditional love.. I had planned so much for him.. I rushed home just to see his adorable eyes and his gremlin ears..but no jerry..

Jerry was curious and that's what killed him.. I am lost, hurt and devastated.. I miss him so much.. You are probably saying "come on its only been 2 days!"..but those two days i was so happy and i finally felt complete..

R.I.P Jerry..

2007-05-08T09:59:00.000+08:00

Life is such..

I got news yesterday which upset me.. It made me miss my father so much.. My friend's father passed away yesterday. God rest his soul.. He was a good man, i still can picture the time when we were younger running about in her house and how we use to drink by the bar...

As years went by i lost contact and drifted away from friends who i use to hang out with...Some moved abroad, some just vanished, some married and other just end up enemies..

This particular friend of mine, we have shared memories which i will always remember.. She got her 1st tattoo with me..hahha (those were the days).. Even though we have drifted and you have moved abroad i will always be here when you need someone to talk too.. a shoulder to cry on.. I assume i am the last person you would call but remember i am always here and i will always be on your side..

Hang in there sweety and may god give you strength through this hard time you are facing...

Handbags & Men

2007-03-07T09:49:00.000+08:00

I have to be honest I cant understand why men have to carry their girlfriends, wives or whatever's handbags.. I mean its not appealing when a man carries a woman's handbag.. We women brag about our handbags and the ones we saw at the store and how we want to get another bag to add to the collection.. But wait ladies before you buy that bag you better check if it suits your man... C'mon ladies..this is disgraceful.. I mean I understand if you just sprained your arm, broken a bone, need to pee or need to do something.. But asking you man to hold your handbags?? If thats the case don't bring a handbag.. It saves the shame..

Guys you have to realise that its not macho to carry a ladies bag.. 2, when your partner is with her friends, mum, dad, family, etc do you see her handbag flung around someone else's shoulder? Guess not.. She can hold it herself you know..

I never understood why men go through it and women can ask their man too.. Maybe its just me..

Shameful.. Men have your ball shrunk on her account..? If you haven't got any, you won't be getting any action by carrying her handbag..

Risk

2007-03-05T11:07:00.000+08:00

Recently I have spoke to many people from different walks of life.. Most of our conversation would rather start or end with the question about taking risks.

Relationships, investments, family, etc.. Now, allow me to explain I am a person who will take risks in relationships. Reason i say so is that I have realised I have been in 2 very serious relationships before my current relationship now. One actually leading to marriage but you see they didn't work out as i had planned rather than regretting what I had did and why I was so stupid, I learned a very valuable lesson. The lesson was it made me stronger person and realised what I know not to do in my next relationship. Everyone is different in their own ways, to compare is wrong but as humans we usually do. We can't expect others to think like us either.
The question tends to be should I take that risk? Is it worth it? Will I get hurt? What will I benefit? Well all I can say is you don't know but if you don't take that risk you will never know the answer...

Afraid of getting hurt? We all are.. But that hurt will make you stronger in future and you may not realise now but later in life. I personally have been through I a lot in my life but I have taken a few risk which I am proud of and a few which I am not. The fact of the matter is I did take risks and I know i will probably will keep taking risks..

Try not to be negative, i know its hard but being negative will not change anything. Try being a little positive and maybe you can see that its good. Express how you feel and don't bottle it up as it will want to come out and when it does it may not be the same reaction you have planned.

Well i looked up what Risk meant in the dictionary.. find the description below...

Risk
– noun

1.	exposure to the chance of injury or loss; a hazard or dangerous chance: It's not worth the risk.

Insurance.

a.	the hazard or chance of loss.

b.	the degree of probability of such loss.

c.	the amount that the insurance company may lose.

d.	a person or thing with reference to the hazard involved in insuring him, her, or it.

e.	the type of loss, as life, fire, marine disaster, or earthquake, against which an insurance policy is drawn.

– Verb (used with object)

3.	to expose to the chance of injury or loss; hazard: to risk one's life.

4.	to venture upon; take or run the chance of: to risk a fall in climbing; to risk a war.

—Idioms

at risk,

a.	in a dangerous situation or status; in jeopardy: families at risk in the area of the weakened dam.

b.	under financial or legal obligation; held responsible: Are individual investors at risk for the debt part of the real estate venture?

6.	take or run a risk, to expose oneself to the chance of injury or loss; put oneself in danger; hazard; venture.

Right Choices

2007-02-13T12:17:00.000+08:00

Who has the answers to that?

What are the right choices? People say "Yea, you made the right choice by doing that...!" How do they know it was the right choice? Who claimed their rights?

What i am trying to get at is people always seem to act as if they know what is right for others.. Look we make desicions everyday whether its the right choice or not its how we feel at that present time. Now its either we regret the choice which we made or we move on.

I dont think there is a right or wrong choice in life.. It should always be 'MY' choice..not yours, hers, his or anyone.. So what! I made a wrong choice..that will teach me in future.. Get it..? Wrong choices help us make better choices.. Why should you feel any different with life..Hold your head up and show others that it doesnt matter what they say or do! You are your own person and you make your own choices and you know what, you made the right choice! And you know it..

This is for you.. You know who you are! Make sense? Message me when you read this... :)

Desiree Diane

2006-12-14T11:52:00.000+08:00

Sweetest Desiree...

Where shall i begin to tell this story?

I have known you for 8 years now, introduced by my mum. I am sure you remember that... We were friends and we fell apart...

Only about 1 year ago i bumped into you once again and we are friends again... We became very close after i broke up from a relationship which was a wreck... You helped me get through those tough days... We went clubbing, we cried, we laughed and we shared things that no other will ever know...

Desiree, recently you have changed jobs and have become busy with your work... To be honest i don’t like the way they treat you there. You work late and have no time for yourself... There were times where i needed you but i didn’t want to disturb you in anyway... You realised that i was distant and you were hurt by my actions. I am sorry but you were always so busy and had hardly anymore time for anyone...

I know you feel like i have neglected you...Des, remember i am always here! I know that i have not been there for you lately i know but i am only a phone call away. You know that. I don’t have to tell you...

Right now you feel down and lonely... Hold you head up high and be the person you are. Don’t ever change! Things don’t always work out the way we want, but it will always teach us to be stronger. Suffer now and later you will not... Trust me Des.

I love you and i know you know that...

Finding someone to share our life with is not easy. I want you to have more time to yourself and not to your company. It’s a job Des its not life... Do you live to work or work to live? Is it worth it? I will answer that for you. HELL NO!!

Des, you mean so much to me whether i show you or not... I will always have a place for you in my heart...

I will never judge you, i will never put you in any harm i will always love you...

If i have made you feel in anyway less of a friend i sincerely apologise...I think you know i am not good with words but i am here trying to tell you...

Your friend always ;)
Raelene

P.S.
Love you Long Time Sweetie

When you love someone

2006-12-01T15:32:00.000+08:00

When you love someone - youll do anything
Youll do all the crazy things that you cant explain
Youll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

Youll deny the truth - believe a lie
Therell be times that youll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights - have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone - youll feel it deep inside
And nothin else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone...

When you love someone - youll sacrifice
Youd give it everything you got and you wont think twice
Youd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone
Youll shoot the moon - put out the sun

When you love someone

Over

2006-11-30T12:43:00.000+08:00

Yes i am cruel and cold... Only towards you...

I still can't accept what you did but i have moved on.. How dare you say those things to me..? You screwed with the situation, you deal with it! Don't blame others for your actions, don't try to justify when its too late..

The alcohol streaming though me made me say things which i shouldn't.. i should of walked away and be the better person..but after 3 and half years i couldn't...

You have destroyed all my dreams of marriage and a happy ending.. Why did u? Now turn it around and say i fucked up your life... HAHA I cant explain what goes through my head..

You know what? I have found someone so much better than i expected.. I am happy and now i have moved on..just leave me and be whoever you want and do whatever you want..

And yes.. i hope god has mercy on my evil heart and thoughts..

Dad

2006-11-29T11:12:00.000+08:00

Dad i miss you...

I never knew that losing someone can hurt so badly. I have tried to be strong but i am crumbling inside. Not wanting others to see or hear my pain... I don’t know how much longer i can hold my head up...

If i was given one day, just one day to be in you presence i would say and do so much... i don’t think i expressed enough how i felt towards you. We were apart for so long and when i thought thing were about to change, GOD decided that you go back to him... I didn’t get that chance Dad. I am sorry!

I hope that i have made you proud in some way... i know i have let you down as well but i want you to know that you are my backbone to surviving... i strive to be like you but i will never compare but to know i come from the same blood i am honoured..

Only after you left, i knew who you really were. What it was like for you when you were younger which none of your children knew... We were all shocked that you have made your life what it was. We are all proud to have you as our father...

Dad? I wonder how you are up there. I wonder what you do. I miss you Dad... Since you left i still have the home number under DAD... When i call i forget sometimes and after realising i hang up...

Mum is doing fine... I don’t want to see her go... It would brake me...Dad give me strength! My wish was to go before you and mum but i guess my wish didn’t come true...

Dad, you know what i have finally met someone... I wish you had a chance to meet him... Nice guy...

Dad when i think about my wedding day i have always pictured you dancing with me. Father and Daughter Dance... Now that you are no longer around i don’t know who will dance with me...

Dad i love you... I will never stop thinking about you... Dad, don’t stop watching me ok?

R.I.P.
Raymond G. Moyle

Baby..

2006-11-13T15:26:00.000+08:00

He has captured my heart.. What a feeling.. I have not felt this way before.. what is it about him? It's a question I ask myself constantly.. Is it the way he treats me? Is it the way he holds me? All these questions..should I keep on asking? I have realised that I should just enjoy this moment..

I feel as I am on air when I am around him.. those butterflies I feel just before seeing him.. I am who I am around him. I don't need to try to impress him, I don't pretend to be someone else when I am with him..It's just me..

You have made me feel what love is all about.. its was strange how we meet..and how we have become one.. Honestly I was scared to commit seeing my situation when we first meet.. but what is risk all about right? I didn't want to regret later in life knowing that I had let the chance of a lifetime run me by..

The risk we both took was something I know we didnt regret..

I sit and remember all the times we have spent together and it always puts a smile on my face.. When I am sad or upset all I need to do is look at your picture or hear your voice and all my problems seem to fade away..

You must of put a love spell on me as I cant stop thinking about you.. You are my love..

Love U Baby...

It's you..

2006-11-13T15:24:00.000+08:00

I glance at your glistening eyes
As we make sweet love
And I smile just at the view of you
Laying there next to me
You make me so happy
And that is oh so true
You gave me that something
That I've been searching for
Your soft tender lips
Up against mine
Holding each other close
As if we've never loved at all
You say you love me
And I know it's true
For this is...The feeling of a tender affection
That I just can't explain
When I see you,I know everything is ok
When I see you,I know it was meant to be
There is no easy explanation
For my love for you,
All I can say is

I LOVE YOU!!!

A short story - my sadness

2006-10-09T15:12:00.000+08:00

Yet again sadness falls upon me.. I keep reminding myself this is life..

I constantly listen to music to help me relax, help me realise that it happens to everyone, not just me..

I told myself this year will be fine..No more problems, issues, no more sadness and no more tears..Yet again i was wrong..As usual..

I sit and think about when i was younger and how i said that i wish i died before my parents did so i don’t need to feel the pain and hurt of losing my beloved parents. I love them to death and they love me..

God had decided that that was not going to happen and last year i lost my beloved father.. I was happy coz he didn’t suffer nor die in pain. It was natural but still i miss him and wish he was right by my side.. I still can smell him, hear his laughter, his cough and jokes. Dry humour is what my father had!! He had patience, yet again a temper.. He was open minded, loud, and down to earth. he never looked down upon a soul and never did he judge.. i want him to kiss me one last time so i can say Dad i Love you and take care and think of me always... The last i saw him was in 2004.. i kissed him told him i love you and i shall see you next year..take care Dad..

Days before he passed on I couldn’t sleep.. Something inside me triggered to write him a letter. I typed a letter and posted it to my dad.. why i did i do that? i have no idea. I told him how i felt and why i felt the way i did...I spoke to him on Wednesday asking, Dad have you got my letter? he said nope...Soon i am sure! Due to our Malaysian Post he got it late but he received on Friday. He was glad to receieve my letter he kept it under the table mat and he passed on that Night.. Imagine how i felt. I was over the moon he received my letter in time but devastated that he had left mer behind... The pain i encountered was too much to bear.. I had told someone ealier that i think i will be getting call soon from someone soon telling me that either my Dad or Granny is GONE..it happened!!!

I moved on and realise that this is life and it will happen to everyone.. It hurts so much to lose someone..

1st October 2006, i was having a nap and my phone rang, i couldn’t be bothered to pick it up as it was on the dressing table too far out of reach.. Suddenly i blurted "I think my uncle is going to die!”. I went back to sleep...Following day i called my mum, to my surprise she mentioned that she just sent her brother (my uncle) to hospital.. It moved me and i rushed back to Penang.. i was tired but was determined. when i finally reached i was too late for the visiting hours..SIGH.. nevermind tomorrow i shall go see him 1st thing.. Got up got dressed and went to hospital.. "Pak Su (my uncle) what has happened? Why do u look the way you do? Why haven’t you eaten? You are so yellow..?" He could hardly talk, let alone his eyes.. I rushed to the doctors to ask..they told me liver failure, it maybe Cancer, Yellow fever, and maybe Hepatitis. I was shocked, sad..this can't be happening.. He didn’t want to eat nor drink.. I bought him a burger and coke and fed him and after 2 bites he had enough.. tears started to build in my eyes, but i am not going to show him... I kissed him and said i would see him tomorrow... As promised i went to see him.. I told him i was going back to KL and take care and asked for forgiveness.. He told me to start thinking about settling down.. SIGH...

9th October 2006 at 1am tragic news.. Pak Su had passed away.. I was fast asleep as i had taken my medication for migraines...i got another call at 7am telling me the news.. no not again i thought. i rushed back to Penang again. Alone, scared and unaware that life is so short and death can happen at anytime... I didn’t reach in time to pay my last respects but i heard he had a smile on his face... I was the last he saw. I miss him...He was and will always be my fav uncle..

I remember he use to take me on his bicycle and one day i got my ankle stuck in the the tyre spoke..man did we panic.. i still have a scar from it.. I love that scar! He isn’t coming back... ARGH why does life have to be so hard...

Now i worry for my Granny... I don’t want to have bad thoughts..pls !! Have i been cursed or is it a gift?

I don’t want any more bad news... PLEASE I BEG YOU...Enough for this year...

Not the End..

2006-09-27T16:34:00.000+08:00

A month ago she was smiling and laughing and she couldn't even conceal her happiness. Radiance from her face, laughter from the soul and a smile that can make hearts melt.. She was in-love..and still is...

Today her eyes have swollen up and her tears know not to end..Why? Broken hearted and hurt..love yet again has proved to be painful..

Reason for all this is life, GOD and fate.. it’s all beyond our control..
They say fate is in god's hand but we seek for want we want and GOD grants it if he thinks we are worthy of it.. Bullshit.. seriously the things that some of us have gone through is remarkable. Why do some of us suffer more than others? Punishment for?

Well my dear, there are no words i can say to make your hurting stop, nor is there anything i can do to heal your broken heart. I wish that GOD open’s up to see what he has decided and realise that you need a break and that people change their minds..I pray for you daily, for the best and everything you wish for.

Everyone will go through hardship and all this will make us stronger but we will not see till later once we experience it again. We then know how to accommodate ourselves and take charge of the situation..

Cry if you need too but not for too long. Your hurting and sadness i feel and i don’t like it. Its beyond my control and i hate it. I wish i was by your side so you can hit me coz your angry and hug me coz you need one and cry and let me wipe your tears. Things will be ok in time my dearest.

I will shut up and not console you now.. i know you need time to be alone and understand what has happened. I am here no matter what you say or do.. You know where to find me anytime. Just a phone call away.

Anna Yasmin

2006-09-26T12:02:00.000+08:00

Dearest Anna,

I have not been good at giving advice. I just seem to tell it as i see it. My words don't drip with honey, its just the truth when it comes to you.

From the 1st time i met you i thought you were special. There is something about this girl.. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I misplaced your Yahoo ID, so i couldnt contact you, it was only till i met you again and got it, the following week.

I use to be in a right mess and you were my outlet of expression. You were funny and sincere. Not like most girls who just wanna be friend because they benefit from it. To be honest there was nothing you could of benefit from me..hahaha Just gossip i guess! You had a sense of humour which i havent seen in a long time. I need someone like you in my life and God decided you were that special someone..;)

When i was lonely you were there, when i was happy you were there, when i needed to have company you never hesitated. That's what friends truly are.. there with no questions..

There have been so many secrets which i kept till i met you and you gave me that opportunity to let it out without fear of revenge. I can share so much with you and know that you will give me great advice and be honest without judging me. You are fantastic ANNA.

I know we both have had our up's and down's in the relationships which we have currently but it has not distracted you from me and vice versa. Not many people can achieve this..they either choose one from the other.

Anna, allow me to tell you that you are special, sincere, honest, pretty, sexy, caring, loyal, religious, loving, giving, funny and hell the list can go on for days...

You are inlove now and i am so happy for you. Regardless of anything you will always have me... you are a blessing from above and i am grateful daily to have you. Now for someone not able to understand or see this then they are missing out in life and an opportunity to be in your presence. I can't ask for more.

Anna, i love you with all my heart and may gold bless you everyday with all your wishes. One of my prayers have been answered and that i YOU! Now i just pray something for you to happen..

Love you with all my heart can offer.. you are the best..

Smile always, and when you want to cry come to me, i will hug you, when you want to laugh call me, i will be silly, when you need a slap come see me.. i will bring you back to reality..

From my heart...XOXOX

P.S.

If there are any spelling errors just ignore ok..

Have you Completed me?

2006-09-26T11:47:00.000+08:00

Is it too soon to judge? Is there a time limit of being with someone? How do we know that they are the ones who will complete us?

As far as I know his smile makes me melt,
his laughter warms me all around,
his warmth comforts me,
his company secures me,
these are just a few of the things he does for me,
without realising..

While he sleeps, I hear and watch him breath,
all these times it has put me at ease.

When we are hand in hand,
I feel the love that we share;
growing stronger.

His presence makes me smile with no reason,
I get butterflies all over.

Days when i am sad and beyond help,
all he needs to do is call and let me hear him breath,
to know that he is there for me without saying a word.

When i cry, he is there to hold my hand,
wiping my tear and comfort me by a single hug.

He doesn't need to express with lavish gifts,
words which could melt a thousand hearts,
he just knows how to comfort without trying..

He is not perfect, but in my eyes he is,
not knowing he has complete me.

I love you...

Feeling messed up

2006-09-13T15:07:00.000+08:00

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so aloneYou,
you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

[chorus]
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then
I don't care were not going newhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then i don't care were not going newhere

Ode to My Friends

2006-08-25T14:45:00.000+08:00

Thank god its Finally Friday - My fav day of the week..

You can't imagine my week... Absolutely boring, my boss has been away and I have become a master of downloading songs.. Such talent!

If not for two special people I would have died of boredom at work.. Anna & Desiree.. They get me by each day, I know guys you are really busy but you guys always put time aside for me and that's when I know you are spoiling me...Love it!

I am sitting at my desk listening to music which I have just downloaded, and you know I can count with my hands how many true friends I have... Anna, Fiky, Desiree, Ann, Muin & Soo Chin.. You guys are fantastic and I would give you my all.. I don't have any doubts that these ppl would ever betray me or give up on me.. I trust them with my life... I would do anything for these ppl and I will go out of my way to make them feel special..

It's always worthwhile to make others aware of their worth. - Malcolm S. Forbes

Time

2006-08-24T14:27:00.000+08:00

'Dance as if no one is watching, sing as if no one's listening and live every day as if it were your last' - Irish Proverb

I wish i could remember all the good and bad times of my past. But with my bad past i was so hurt and had so much anger i wiped them out of my memories.. How i wish i could rememeber. Reason is because i know it will make me stronger and remember the hurt and pain which i had encountered. With pain i can treat others with more care and know when they are hurting inside as i have been there. I can provide words of wisdom and give advice from experience..

The good times is the past went by so fast that i was unable to cherish them..and now they are only vague images.. If i could remember all the good times i can show others how to have a good time as i once did.. Show them how to crack open a smile and laugh..

But bear in mind these vague images that will remind in my past.. i have to now live for my present and my future and start a new chapter. Learn to make memories which will last in my memory and those around me. Learn to cherish all the good and bad which i may encounter..

Try siting down now and look back into your past.. Do you think you can rememeber everything which happened? Good or bad.. Do you wonder why you acted a certain why towards something? Did it have to do with your past? Do you recall what it was?

Learn to cherish everything you can and it will help you or maybe others around you.. regardless good or bad..

I am trying now..