A short story - my sadness

Yet again sadness falls upon me.. I keep reminding myself this is life..

I constantly listen to music to help me relax, help me realise that it happens to everyone, not just me..

I told myself this year will be fine..No more problems, issues, no more sadness and no more tears..Yet again i was wrong..As usual..

I sit and think about when i was younger and how i said that i wish i died before my parents did so i don’t need to feel the pain and hurt of losing my beloved parents. I love them to death and they love me..

God had decided that that was not going to happen and last year i lost my beloved father.. I was happy coz he didn’t suffer nor die in pain. It was natural but still i miss him and wish he was right by my side.. I still can smell him, hear his laughter, his cough and jokes. Dry humour is what my father had!! He had patience, yet again a temper.. He was open minded, loud, and down to earth. he never looked down upon a soul and never did he judge.. i want him to kiss me one last time so i can say Dad i Love you and take care and think of me always... The last i saw him was in 2004.. i kissed him told him i love you and i shall see you next year..take care Dad..

Days before he passed on I couldn’t sleep.. Something inside me triggered to write him a letter. I typed a letter and posted it to my dad.. why i did i do that? i have no idea. I told him how i felt and why i felt the way i did...I spoke to him on Wednesday asking, Dad have you got my letter? he said nope...Soon i am sure! Due to our Malaysian Post he got it late but he received on Friday. He was glad to receieve my letter he kept it under the table mat and he passed on that Night.. Imagine how i felt. I was over the moon he received my letter in time but devastated that he had left mer behind... The pain i encountered was too much to bear.. I had told someone ealier that i think i will be getting call soon from someone soon telling me that either my Dad or Granny is GONE..it happened!!!

I moved on and realise that this is life and it will happen to everyone.. It hurts so much to lose someone..

1st October 2006, i was having a nap and my phone rang, i couldn’t be bothered to pick it up as it was on the dressing table too far out of reach.. Suddenly i blurted "I think my uncle is going to die!”. I went back to sleep...Following day i called my mum, to my surprise she mentioned that she just sent her brother (my uncle) to hospital.. It moved me and i rushed back to Penang.. i was tired but was determined. when i finally reached i was too late for the visiting hours..SIGH.. nevermind tomorrow i shall go see him 1st thing.. Got up got dressed and went to hospital.. "Pak Su (my uncle) what has happened? Why do u look the way you do? Why haven’t you eaten? You are so yellow..?" He could hardly talk, let alone his eyes.. I rushed to the doctors to ask..they told me liver failure, it maybe Cancer, Yellow fever, and maybe Hepatitis. I was shocked, sad..this can't be happening.. He didn’t want to eat nor drink.. I bought him a burger and coke and fed him and after 2 bites he had enough.. tears started to build in my eyes, but i am not going to show him... I kissed him and said i would see him tomorrow... As promised i went to see him.. I told him i was going back to KL and take care and asked for forgiveness.. He told me to start thinking about settling down.. SIGH...

9th October 2006 at 1am tragic news.. Pak Su had passed away.. I was fast asleep as i had taken my medication for migraines...i got another call at 7am telling me the news.. no not again i thought. i rushed back to Penang again. Alone, scared and unaware that life is so short and death can happen at anytime... I didn’t reach in time to pay my last respects but i heard he had a smile on his face... I was the last he saw. I miss him...He was and will always be my fav uncle..

I remember he use to take me on his bicycle and one day i got my ankle stuck in the the tyre spoke..man did we panic.. i still have a scar from it.. I love that scar! He isn’t coming back... ARGH why does life have to be so hard...

Now i worry for my Granny... I don’t want to have bad thoughts..pls !! Have i been cursed or is it a gift?

I don’t want any more bad news... PLEASE I BEG YOU...Enough for this year...